Three years ago,
your birthday present was something else
you took to me an island paradise no less
and gave me hell
There in a state of ecstasy, of having been whisked away
by my man, yes you were my man-
you chickened out on me
turned away from me for good, maybe
You said you couldn’t take it anymore
that you had to leave these shores
that you had to leave me
So you did
and my birthdays haven’t been the same ever since
Only because in the dread of its imminence
I go through lengths farther than you’ve ever been
to run from me, from us , from you
to survive the memory of that day, of you
You were my victory, you see
a love I have built with scarred caloused hands
and a zombie heart on stands
but I fixed myself by letting me love you
and ended up letting you love me less
But like your birthday present, you were something else
You lingered like your great predecessor
the one you beat with your hardcore
laugh and your smile that can kill the devil
and raise the dead,
the dead like me.
Yes, you lingered on, you stayed
in my head, in my double-dead
heart, you lingered more and more
your ghost knocking on my door
And I tried to shoo you away believe me
I tried to dismantle your image in my brain
and reassemble my bane, a monster of pain
But I remember your sobs like I remembered mine
I remember your eyes flooded, your fingers entwined
clasping for something, something I’ve seen and felt
that you haven’t yet-
perhaps until now.
Three years later,
in the city you ran away to
hide from me
on my birthday
with you, my birthday present.
taking me to dinner
and a movie
like how we used to be.
And my first real date
in a thousand days
since you left me.
“Take care” you said
“And be good”
I’m always good, I say.
You don’t have to say it.