Because Yoshke wanted an update, I am therefore posting.
Six months I ago, on a Saturday morning, I woke up at my boyfriend's room and said to myself: get on a boat.
I told him what I wanted to do and he wished for my safety. Of course, he asked why but there was no cause that could be articulated at that moment. I asked if jeepneys for the pier passed outside the building, he gave me an 'affirmative'. I set out, went down the eight flights of stairs that lead to the ground where I stood waiting for that jeepney ride. A yellow one came, with a sign that said "pier 3", I hailed it and got in. I didn't know exactly where I was going, that wasn't the point anyway, the point was to get on a boat, and at that time, to be closer to the ocean, to waves splashing.
For a good wait and after having the driver shout at my ear "a pier tres pier tres!" 15 times, I got off where I ought to be dropped off, the pier, pier 3. On sight was a cue, and out of intuition I lined up with the 10-12 other people. I still didn't know where I was going.
When It was my turn to purchase my ticket, I asked the woman behind the glass: what's the destination? She said "Opon". Haha. A laugh in my head, just what I needed for a boat ride, one where I could get back home in a day.
After the dock, I found myself in a church, sat there while a mass was being held before walking around the church grounds. It was then that I found a card reader who told me in a reading:
..in the next six months, you will be plagued by emotional turmoil...and within those six months, you are going to try to kill yourself. I don't know if you'll be successful or not but you will try...
Soon after he advised me never to attempt doing so and gave me his card, told me to call if I needed any help.
April is the last of the six months. I haven't tried killing myself but it has been very rough to say the least. I am swimming underwater with a friend, we want to go above the surface but there are hands pulling us from underneath. This is my update.