Africa

Some of us here live with the fact of an unsubstantiated belief system or conviction, and every time that knife of guilt or fear or insecurity begins to slice me, I look to the west, not to the white people of America or the United Kingdom but to the black continent of Africa. Occasionally I think of the people in the Amazon, or anywhere else where I know, the “word of God’ hasn’t reached, at least until cross-continental travel began. I am a homosexual, an agnostic one. One who believes in God but not necessarily in organized religion…or do I? I’ve been doing my share of religious shopping or in more pleasant terms, my search for a spiritual family, only Buddha’s tribe interested me most, the sangha that didn’t require a worship of a supreme being but only the mandate of taking responsibility for oneself. Perhaps one can be a Buddhist and remain agnostic. Or not. Anyway, I pray like a Buddhist to God my creator… without a sangha to cower into or a minister to shout at people for me…there are worse more seemingly ridiculous ways for a spiritual life but hey, I have the right to be an existentialist about it. Inclinations, proclivities, convictions that betray me every time a severely evocative movie comes or a situation arises that seem to fit the whole world or even the universe into a cookie-cutter, the shape of a book, the Bible. When times like these come, I think about virgin forests, the Serengeti, the Himalayas, places, countries I know have never even heard the word Christ before or the bible, at least not after the age of exploration (which is already a vast amount of time since the onset of human civilization). I turn to the Amazon, the American Indians; the Sioux, the Apache, and the nomads in north Asia, the pygmies…Africa, most especially Africa. A continent with creatures I find THE most interesting and people with the biggest most prominent smiles human faces can make. I think of them and ask God, “so you’ve been sending these people to hell the whole time?” “anyone who’s not "saved" and hasn’t heard the “good news” goes to hell right?” and I sigh in relief coz I know he’d shake his heavenly head(does he even need a head?) or not move at all and just give me a straight face(a face?) saying “what do you think I am? Human like you?”